What to say and do to defuse 40 challenging dementia behaviors, from wandering and bath refusals to sundowning and "I want to go home."
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By Dr. Fernando Vera, OT, who wrote it after caring for his own mother through dementia.
It's not your fault. Nobody ever told you what to say.
Answer the message instead of the behavior, and the chaos gets smaller. Here's how it looks:
Let's freshen up before your visitor comes.
You need a bath. You smell.
Why it works: A reason they care about beats a reason that shames.
Tell me about your home. What do you miss most?
You ARE home!
Why it works: 'Home' is often a feeling of safety. Answer the feeling, not the fact.
You're thinking about your mom. Tell me about her.
Your mother died years ago.
Why it works: Hearing it again can feel like brand-new grief. Memories comfort; facts hurt.
Every behavior gets a two-page spread: the fastest answer on the left, deeper help on the right, and a sticky-note tip from Dr. Vera.
Aides, nurses and adult day staff use it too, for quick, consistent language across the whole care team.
Search for what you're dealing with. Tap any behavior to see what's inside, and try one of the 6 free swaps tonight.
Why it works: A reason they care about beats a reason that shames. Plus 2 more swaps and a full action plan in the book.
Why it works: Naming the feeling calms. Commands escalate. Plus 2 more swaps and a full action plan in the book.
Why it works: Each time feels like the first time to them. Plus 2 more swaps and a full action plan in the book.
Why it works: Introducing yourself removes the test they can't pass. Plus 2 more swaps and a full action plan in the book.
Why it works: A calm activity resets the evening. Plus 2 more swaps and a full action plan in the book.
Why it works: Joining them respects their need to feel secure. Plus 2 more swaps and a full action plan in the book.
Licensed occupational therapist and owner and clinical director of Empower Health, a clinic in Houston, TX, specializing in dementia care.
His mother, Virginia, was healthy and active when she was diagnosed with a rapidly progressing dementia. Even with his training, some days he didn't know what to say. This book is the answer he wished he'd had.
The book tells you what to say. These three quick guides help you stay calm in the moment, burn off restless energy, and fill the day so boredom doesn't turn into trouble.
The C.A.L.M. method plus what to say, and what never to say, in 5 of the hardest moments. Print it so the answer is in front of you when things start to escalate.
Three simple 10-minute routines that ease restlessness and agitation, including an evening wind-down for the sundowning hours, with the words to use when they say “no.”
A simple activity for every day of the month to keep their mind busy, lift their mood and head off boredom-driven behaviors like pacing, rummaging and repeated questions.
Two hours of in-home care in most of the U.S.
Two typical specialist visit copays
One calm evening without a fight
What to Say and Do to Defuse 40 Challenging Dementia Behaviors
✅ Covered by the 30-day “Calmer Days” money-back guarantee
Use the swaps. Try the bonuses. If Stop the Chaos! doesn't help you handle hard moments with more confidence, just email us within 30 days for a full refund. No forms, no hard feelings, and you can keep the bonuses.
— Dr. Fernando Vera, OT
It's a digital PDF you can download right away, read on any device, or print at home or at a print shop.
Family caregivers of someone with any type of dementia, including Alzheimer's, vascular, Lewy body and frontotemporal dementia.
You don't have to. It's a manual. Open to the behavior you're dealing with and read the green side of the left page. It takes about 30 seconds.
Yes. The PDF opens on any phone, tablet or computer. Many caregivers keep it on their phone for hard moments and print the pages they use most.
Yes. The behaviors cover every stage, and each one includes what to change at home as abilities decline. The Move to Calm bonus adds an evening routine for the sundowning hours.
Online tips are scattered and often generic. This is one organized manual, written by an occupational therapist who works in dementia care, with the exact words to say for 40 specific situations, so you can find the answer in 30 seconds.
They download instantly right after your purchase, together with the book.
Yes, please share it with the family members and aides who help care for your loved one, so everyone uses the same calming words. Please don't post or resell it publicly.
No. It's practical, educational guidance from an occupational therapist. Every page includes when to call the doctor.
You're covered by the 30-day “Calmer Days” guarantee. Email us for a full refund and keep the bonuses.
Get the book plus all 3 bonuses today for $17.
Yes, get it all $17